autumn 2023

8 sep 2023

People take themselves so seriously. Take it easy bud

summer 2023

15 aug 2023

Most things that we see as "selfish" are actually healthy and the best. I have once again discovered a new edge of that! I am feeling good and dignified. Dignity seems like a concept people might smirk at, but there is something very attractive about it.

6 aug 2023

Hi, two things. First - I wake up browsing my phone (news channels, reddit, and a bit of instagram) and today as I was doing it, I felt like I was searching for something... it is not simply checking the news (which is normal), but instead it seemed as if I was looking for some sort of fleeting connection. Deep inside I had wished I came across joke I related to, a funny story that would make me think of my life, basically I wanted a substitute of a friendly chat in a coffee shop. I miss friendly nudges and conversations and discoveries.

I don't like how centralised social media is and how you don't even own your words there.

It seems as though my agency is being taken away... in a way.

Second. I made peace with being alive (that involves being emotional, sad, angry, lazy and unsure). There was an image of a girl I had had before - very skinny, depressed, and reading Dostoevsky. She's quiet and uninterested in society and non-reactive, and therefore she cannot make mistakes (a mistake can be getting too annoyed over something one cannot control, for example; another illustration of that would be liking a specific brand). Being ethereal is beautiful but dead. The kind of still deathness I was have been very drawn to since I was twelve. Being alive and emotional is too fun to give up for a pretence of being an all-knowing, mysterious creature. Giving up one's anger is not desirable but instead shows fear, I think.

As a side note, I do mean to say that being angry for the sake of it is anything to strive towards; instead, dissatisfaction and annoyance when uncovered (what are the sources of that? what makes you feel this way, and what would make you feel better?) lead to a better understanding of not only yourself, but the world around you. Denying yourself imperfections is denying yourself living.

16 jul 2023

the feeling to be tasted, taken and played with, the feeling of the day is feeling like you are welcome irregardless of who you are (so, specifically from the people you are not aquainted with). perhaps some other name for the feeling would be more appropriate. it could experienced through: your language not being excluded; a person shares their views on the world (society, philosophy, politics) and it is similar to your own; having similar values with other people; i suppose a better way to phrase it would be to feel home, in the deep and deeply personal sense. the next step then, is to assert what being home entails. and what feeling home with others entails and - most importantly - to which degree is it their responsibility, and to which is it yours?

july 2023